Day 368 – Day 372

Day 368 – 5 April 2020

Today was mythic Sunday. I spent the morning in WoW doing dungeons. I was very nervous about doing it because when I did it the previous week, I got really stressed and had the head rushes and erratic heart rate again. We stuck to doing easy things for the most part. The one hard dungeon we did was terrible but not my fault, so I stayed as relaxed as I could.

I took a nap in the afternoon and was surprised to see my friend, The Pally, in WoW when I woke up. I felt like I was still dreaming. It had been months since he’d played. It was a great finish to the day.

Day 369 – 6 April 2020

Today was another rest day, which I was allowing myself to have, in the hopes that I could get back to something of a normal routine on Tuesday. I played WoW. I was focused on getting a new character to level 65. I achieved. It was a good day.

Day 370 – 7 April 2020

I got up around a normal time and sat down in front of the computer. I told myself that I could play WoW for a little bit but then I’d have to get to doing some normal day stuff. Unfortunately, I kept moving the finish line and before I knew it, I had spent the entire day in WoW. I think that knowing I had not done what I should have, combined with my overwhelming desire to level quickly, I ended up feeling quiet stressed.

By the time I got into bed the familiar head rushes and erratic heart rate were back. I screwed up. Having now been through these feelings more than once, I remained as calm as possible and got to sleep as quickly as I could.

Day 371 – 8 April 2020

Guess what I did today? Yep! I spent the day in bed. Thanks to my self imposed stress I spent the day with an elevated heart rate and complete exhaustion. I spent more hours asleep than I did awake. It’s such a miserable feeling.

Day 372 – 9 April 2020

I have spent most of the day in bed. Thankfully I have been feeling better but really didn’t want to push myself. It is now more than obvious that any amount of stress triggers the erratic heart rate and complete exhaustion. The only thing that helps is bed rest. I need to learn some new coping techniques and fast.

Hubby is home for the next four days because of Easter. I probably won’t get much done (week five of not getting much done. BLEH!) It’s really hard to push myself back into my normal routine. Some part of me is reluctant because I often put too much stress on myself to get things done which will inevitably lead to bed rest. Getting the balance right will be hard.

Today I started with a little French and Norwegian. I am happy to say that after having a month off learning languages, I still remember things. I had a good practice run of both languages. I wasn’t feeling overly focused and know that I did make a couple of mistakes because of that but I was generally getting 18/20 during each timed practice run.

In today’s Adventures of Arthur Puddles we find him spending the day as a frog for World Frog Day. It was a good day at the pond and Arthur loved making a new friend.

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Seeing I have done a few little normal day type things, I’m going to call it at 3 pm and just get my relax on. I am starting a new ‘being grateful’ project and I will do my first post about it on Monday.

I hope everyone has a happy and safe Easter. Most countries are still advising to social distance during this time, which I know will be hard for a lot of people. Stay strong and know that the sooner we do what we’re asked, the sooner we will return to life as we like it. Take care.

Tilly

Day 359 – 367

Happy One Year Blogiversary to me. Thanks to everyone who has followed my journey so far, stuck with me through the hard times and offered advice, feedback, well wishes and likes. I know I am not alone in my struggles and the support I’ve had over the last year is priceless. I hope you will continue following my journey through the upcoming years.

Day 359 – 27 March 2020

I felt okay when I woke up but didn’t really want to push myself too hard. I thought I’d start the day with some casual WoW playing. 13 hours later I logged off and went to bed. I got totally consumed levelling a new character. WoW was doing double levelling experience so it was very quick. It wasn’t really the best way to spend the day but it was enjoyable and as I always say; you have to enjoy the little things.

Day 360 – 28 March 2020

I ended up waking up around lunchtime. Getting extra sleep at the moment is high on my to do list. I’m still not feeling great and my heart rate is still being more erratic than I’m comfortable with. I know I should probably go to see a doctor but there are a couple of things that are really stopping me.

Obviously the first hurdle to visiting a doctor is my agoraphobia. (This is so hard for me to talk about.) I haven’t left the house in over two years, possibly three. Before that I had mostly stayed in for about four or five years.

Four years ago, when my dad was dying from cancer, I came home and acted like I was normal. That was a very stressful time because not only did I have to care for someone who had abused me for 25+ years, I had to stop paying attention to how I felt or I wouldn’t have been able to leave the house.

Once my father passed away, I didn’t leave the house much after that. I went to the airport a couple of times to pick up wifey, a Christmas shopping trip with wifey and that’s about it. Each event felt more and more stressful.

I am worried that something bad will happen to me if I leave the house. I’m worried (even though hubby is a pretty good driver) that I’ll end up in a car accident. I’m worried a stranger will be mean, hurtful or violent towards me. I’m worried something bad will happen to the house if I’m not there. Worry, anxiety and stress are overwhelming and that’s just thinking about leaving. The reality of leaving is so much worse.

The second obstacle is my fear of people. I’ve spent a lot of my life being judged, being told I’m not good enough, being told that I am doing everything wrong. Having a stranger (Doctor) doing that to me is too overwhelming. I know I will shut down and still not do what I have to.

The third obstacle is the Covid-19 virus. While this is such an issue, I don’t want to go to a Doctors office or the hospital. I don’t want to put myself at risk of catching it. My immune system doesn’t handle sickness and especially not one of this magnitude.

Wow, I wasn’t really expecting all that to come out. I was just going to talk about my levelling for another day in WoW. With my levelling obsession in full swing, I spent the rest of the day levelling my character to max and getting her geared enough for Sunday mythics.

There wasn’t time at the end of the day to do a post so I figured I would get caught up (again) on Sunday.

Day 361 – 29 March 2020

My mythical Sunday started earlier than normal, which I was happy about. I’ve been playing WoW with a healer friend for 3 years and it has been enjoyable for the most part. We jumped straight into a hard dungeon and I got super stressed, super quickly. BAM!!! The same feeling from two weeks prior started again. My head started feeling light, my heart rate accelerated and I just felt off. After two easier dungeons I had to call it a day and get back in bed.

I spent the day in bed and of course there was no chance of an update.

Day 362 – 30 March 2020

I spent Monday in bed. I just didn’t want to push myself at all. I continued my diet of Youtube videos and naps. When it was time to sleep, I tried a Guided Healing Meditation; Cell and Nerve Healing. I was able to get through it without it causing any weird feelings and it got my heart rate down to a healthy rate after about 16 minutes. The guide goes for 47 minutes.

Day 363 – 31 March 2020

It was another uneventful rest day. I binged on Youtube videos and only got up when hubby was home. It was a long day in bed because hubby had to do overtime again. We’re very thankful he’s been getting a little extra work during a time when so many people are unable to work.

During one of my naps I had some pretty bad dreams about my dad. I just couldn’t shake the bad feels after that. There has been a string of bad dreams over the last few days. Not my usual weather dreams either. I would take a tornado dream over the ones I’ve been having any day.

The highlight of the day was my friend, The Pally, getting in touch. He’s been busy working hard and we’d gone a few weeks without talking. I sometimes feel like our friendship is a burden on him. While I’m always there to listen and support him however I can, I don’t feel like I have much to offer. Most of the time I don’t understand why anyone likes me.

Day 364 – 1 April 2020

It was another day mostly in bed. Hubby had to finish off the overtime from the previous night, so he was home late-ish again. Even though I’ve still been able to chat with wifey on Discord, it’s been crazy lonely with hubby getting home so late. I’m thankful that I have two people who love me and I was even more thankful that my friend, The Pally, got in touch with me again.

Day 365 – 2 April 2020

There wasn’t much to today but I decided to work on a Puddles. I drew up about six days worth of cells, grabbed my supplies and worked from bed. It almost feels like the universe decided I wasn’t isolated enough and just wanted me to share the struggles of everyone else. It worked. I feel more isolated and I’m definitely struggling more. Not having my art, language learning or even simple comments from wonderful people from all over the globe has kind of hit me hard.

Puddles will be playing catch up for a while. We’re going back a few weeks for today’s.

In today’s Adventures of Arthur Puddles we find him, Rosie and Douglas dog celebrating St Patrick’s Day. Arthur was waiting for Rosie in a pot of gold (chocolate) coins at the end of a rainbow. Rosie served up some frothy green drinks. Even though they couldn’t go out, they had fun celebrating at home.

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Day 366 – 3 April 2020

The first thing I did was grabbed my Puddles sketch book and tried to mentally plan out a few to draw. I was successful. In between napping and Youtube I managed to get three drawn. It was a nice day and I was glad to get out of bed when hubby got him. I stayed as relaxed as I could and we had a lot of laughs watching photo slideshows on Youtube about how people are dealing with the Covid-19 crisis. You can check them out on the DAILY HUMOR channel.

In today’s Adventures of Arthur Puddles we find him celebrating National Button Week in the most peculiar way. He found inspiration in a song written by Sia. The song is called Buttons. He had a lot of fun recreating scenes from the video clip.

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Day 367 – 4 April 2020

Today has been a hard day. I’m not sure if it’s because I really wanted to get an update done, get a bunch of Puddles finished or because it’s officially my one year blogiversary and I don’t think it’s been an overly successful year. I’ve felt pretty stressed all day which is the opposite of what I am trying to do at the moment.

Because of the extra stress I’ve been feeling today I haven’t really done much. I spent the morning on Youtube, followed by a sweet little nap. In the afternoon I got up to work on this update and colouring the Puddles. It took me a good 6 hours to get it all done.

The weekend starts for hubby tomorrow, so I will take another two days of resting without guilt. On Tuesday I am going to try harder to get back into a normal routine. I may still need more break times than I’d like but I know that if I can start working on my goals again, it will at least improve my mental health.

In today’s Adventures of Arthur Puddles we find him at a local farm feeding some chickens on Poultry Day.

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If you’ve read this whole post, you are my hero! Thank you. I hope you are keeping healthy, entertained and happy during the Covid-19 crisis. I know how hard it is and I’m sending you all the love and light I can. Stay safe.

Tilly

Day 358

WordPress has had a makeover. How fresh in a time of crisis. I wish I could have a makeover. I am feeling terrible. I woke just after hubby but stayed in bed. By about 9 am I was feeling ready to go back to sleep. I don’t remember when I went back to sleep but I did.

I woke in the afternoon and really wanted to stay in bed. I should have. I got up and spent a few hours slowly working on a Puddles. It was good in theory but the colour process…oh the colour process. I guess I just didn’t think it through well enough and with all the detail of the bamboo it didn’t come out as clean as I would have liked. I just don’t like it. Let’s not talk about it.

So with the Arthur Puddles cartoon, as you have probably picked up, they are to celebrate a National or International Day. Even though I had a whole lot of time off, I am going to continue with the same theme and still draw the days that have passed. I have been a bit conflicted if I should draw Arthur social distancing and self isolating. He’s a penguin (and a cartoon) so technically he doesn’t really need to. As a sign of solidarity for the crisis (and for future generations that may stumble upon the cartoon) I thought it might be interesting transferring his world to his house. With all that said, I’ll probably keep drawing him doing outside things until the time that Australia went into a semi lock down on the 24th.

In today’s Adventures of Arthur Puddles we find him visiting a Giant Panda for National Panda Day to find out if he’s doing okay. Arthur is very caring.

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I am defiantly unhappy today but it is what it is. I very much have things to be thankful for and, I still am. I’m just unhappy. Fingers crossed I’ll get a good sleep tonight.

Oh, you also may have noticed in my update yesterday (or just in the tags for the concise version) that I haven’t mentioned meditation. I haven’t been able to do it. I don’t know why either. I have tried a couple of times but it’s made me feel sick, almost like sea-sick? Maybe not. Not sure I’ve been sea-sick. Whatever it is, it just hasn’t worked for me. Last night I tried to just picture one of the meditation guides I used to listen to and I fell asleep pretty quick. I miss it. That’s not the only thing I’m missing at the moment.

I hope that you are staying happy and healthy. Enjoy the little things because that’s all we have right now. (Takes own advice!)

Tilly

Day 348 – Day 357

The saga began on Day 347 around 10 pm. It was a normal night. I had done my alien post (although I didn’t really feel like writing a post) and I am pretty sure I was playing WoW. Wifey woke up and asked how I was doing. I said that I would probably go to bed soon.

Within a couple of minutes of saying that, I knew I had to get to bed immediately. I hurriedly tried to say goodnight and as I was typing the last few words of my message to her, I had the strangest feeling rush through my body. It felt like all the blood drained to my head, my neck got warm and my heart pounded. I got up, very scared of what was happening, and sat on the bed. I didn’t want to lay down. I was restless.

Hubby thought that I was going to pass out. The things I was describing sounded like things he’d experienced before he had passed out in the past. (It happened to him a handful of times when he was working long days and only getting about 4 hours sleep a night.) I didn’t pass out. The next thought was that I was having a panic attack. My heart rate was very erratic and that lasted about 5 hours. I couldn’t sleep. I was terrified about what was happening. I kept saying to myself if it got worse, I’d go to hospital. I ended up getting to sleep somewhere after 3 am.

Day 348 – 16 March 2020

After a very scary and sleepless night, I spent the day in bed. I slept. That was all I did. I barely drank water, I didn’t eat. I slept.

Day 349 – 17 March 2020

I spent most of the day sleeping. I made some toast for lunch and made an effort to drink more water. I had a small dinner and sat up for a while. That wasn’t pleasant. I kept getting weird head rushes again and my heart rate kept bouncing all over the place. I tried to not panic.

Day 350 – 18 March 2020

After spending two days in bed, my muscles and joints ached. I tried to sleep again but it was getting harder. I was so restless. I wanted to get up but I still didn’t have the energy, so I thought I’d distract myself by watching some stuff on Youtube on my phone.

I found a remarkable Youtube channel; Special Books by Special Kids.

Founded in 2016, SBSK is a 501(c)3 organisation that seeks to normalise the diversity of the human condition under the pillars of honesty, respect, mindfulness, positivity and collaboration. This multi-media movement supports the acceptance and celebration of all members of the neurodiverse/disability community regardless of diagnosis, age, race, religion, income, sexual orientation, gender or gender expression.
-Chris

Taken from the ABOUT page on the SBSK Youtube Channel.

I spent the day watching this channel. I laughed, I cried, I became motivated. The people that Chris meets and the stories he shares are beautiful stories of strength, perseverance, joy, family and the never ending journey for acceptance for all people.

I’ve always thought of myself as a good person. I try and make people feel good, I listen if someone needs that and I’m always ready to give a hug or a smile. Watching these stories really made me want to be a better person. To be more of all those qualities.

Apart from the fact that I didn’t have the energy to get out of bed, it was a really good and encouraging day. I eventually got out of bed when hubby got home but kept getting lightheaded and heart racy. I was finding it much easier to get my heart rate down quicker though so it wasn’t as scary.

Day 351 – 19 March 2020

It was another day of short naps and Youtube videos in bed. I spent a lot of the day watching more videos from the SBSK Channel (I have years of catching up to do) and I watched an episode about an interabled couple. They both had such amazing personalities and upon noticing they had their own Youtube channel, that was my next stop. After watching a few videos from them, I was hooked. Shane has got the best sense of humour. They have recently set up a help fund during the Covid-19 crisis for people with disabilities.

Check out Hannah and Shane’s Channel; Squirmy and Grubs.

Day 352 – 20 March 2020

Even though I hadn’t been feeling as horrible as the beginning of the week, I was still very reluctant to get out of bed while hubby wasn’t home. The only problem with that is it was a 35 degree day and hubby was doing some overtime. It was a long, hot day in bed. I tried to stay distracted with naps and Youtube. Hubby got home around 10 pm and I was ready to get out of bed. It was nice to be up for a couple of hours before a night of nightmares and restlessness.

Day 353 – 21 March 2020

You’ve probably noticed a theme to the week; short naps and Youtube videos. Today was another. It was also another night of nightmares and broken sleep.

Day 354 – 22 March 2020

Hubby had a huge week at work and was exhausted. He slept-in until about 11 am. We didn’t do much with the day. I stared at the TV thankful I wasn’t spending another day in bed. I didn’t have the energy for more than staring though. We watched one of my favourite movies, Deadpool, in the evening and had an early night.

Day 355 – 23 March 2020

We woke up around 10 am and I got up at the same time hubby did. Hubby pottered around the house doing some housework (that I haven’t been able to do for a week, UGH!) He cooked some spaghetti sauce using all our leftover veggies. He also cleaned the cupboards and fridge out so we have some hope of packing away all our extra supplies. I did a little vacuuming and cleaned up one of the neglected side tables. I probably shouldn’t have done that. It was a huge energy drain.

Day 356 – 24 March 2020

I was hoping to get back to something of a normal schedule but I had zero energy. Actually, I think zero energy would have been an acceptable level. I couldn’t get out of bed. I slept most of the day. I got up when hubby got home. I tried to stay still and calm as I ate dinner and watched Deadpool 2. There was only one time I thought I was going to be light headed again but it seemed to pass quickly.

Day 357 – 25 March 2020

After another hard night sleep I woke when hubby did around 7 am. I stayed in bed and messaged wifey. We chatted until around 8.30 am, hubby left for work and I promptly went back to sleep. There was no way I could stay awake.

Homer woke me around 12 pm because he wanted to go out. I made a quick lunch and got back into bed. I returned to Youtube and watched a variety of videos, when I found one about; Advice for people who feel like their art isn’t unique. It actually made me feel better about my journey. This is only my first year on the bus. It’s been a bit of a bumpy journey (especially the last two weeks) but there is still a long way to go.

I was inspired to get back to art-ing and inked a Puddles that I had drawn a few weeks ago and I really should have used a new pen. I never know when is the right time to switch them out. I don’t want to waste them but they get to a point where they don’t make solid lines. Today was that day. I tried to fix it as much as I could in editing but I ran out of energy pretty quickly.

I’m not sure I’ll be bouncing back to a normal schedule just yet. I’m taking each day as it comes. If I’m up to it, then I’ll get things done, if I’m not, then it’ll be a day of bed rest. As soon as I’m feeling better I will get caught up on all the daily Puddles.

In today’s Adventures of Arthur Puddles we find him and a few friends reenacting a scene from The Wizard of Oz. He will return to his normal adventures very soon.

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How is the Covid-19 crisis affecting our family?

At the moment, life is running as normal for us. No one has symptoms of the virus, so we’re all pretty confident that none of us have it. (Even though I do have something going on with me.) Because of my agoraphobia, hubby and I have pretty much self quarantined for the last 3 years. Wifey and her mom are much the same. They only go out for things when necessary. So this hasn’t been much of a change for any of us.

As non essential services have been closed in Australia this week, we have started to worry about hubby’s job. He works for a bed store and at this point, they remain open. We are worried that there won’t be enough work for him though if people are self quarantined and not shopping. It’s tough enough living on a single income and we’re not sure what we’ll do if he gets stood down. The Australian government is offering additional help during this time but it’s still a cause of concern.

With our borders shut, as most are, we now have no idea when it’s likely that wifey will be able to come back to Australia. While it doesn’t change our relationship at all, it’s hard not knowing when we’ll get to be together again.

Hubby and I have been stocking up on pantry items over the last few weeks. He’s going to get some frozen veggies tomorrow and then we should be stocked in the event that there is a full shutdown. We should be able to survive three weeks without needing to leave the house.

What can you do to help during the Covid-19 crisis?

  1. Follow the advice of local authorities to self quarantine. That means staying in your home. Don’t visit friends or family members. Also make sure you practice social distancing when you are in public.
  2. Be respectful when stocking up for staying in. In Australian supermarkets we are now limited with how many items we can buy. If that’s not something being done where you are, please take only what you feel is necessary to get you through a few weeks of quarantine.
  3. Reach out to vulnerable people via phone or online. This crisis is causing major isolation which is very hard for a lot of people. Just the simple act of asking ‘Are you okay?’ could make a huge difference in someone’s day.
  4. Think about the positives of staying at home. This is a great time to spring clean, learn some new skills, start a home workout routine or complete that art project you’ve been putting off.

I hope that you, your families and friends are safe, healthy and happy right now. Please follow the advice of your local government and authorities to make sure your community can stay safe and recover as quickly as possible.

Tilly

Day 290

Last night I fell asleep to GUIDED SLEEP MEDITATION for Healing. Seeing this guide deals with so many different aspects of healing, I will just keep repeating it for a few nights.

When I woke up this morning my first thought was to turn over and go back to sleep. I felt exhausted. I got up though because hubby had to work today and I didn’t want him to endure his morning alone. Soon as he hopped off to work, I was alone.

I still wasn’t feeling great so opted for another day of Puddles and French only. The one thing I’ve noticed about a week without learning or much art-ing is that it has given my depression a chance to rear its ugly head again. If life had an eject button, I probably would have used it today.

Moving on.

In today’s Adventures of Arthur Puddles we find him reading the Thesaurus to his new puppy for National Thesaurus Day. Arthur thought it was a book about dinosaurs.

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I hope your day has been filled with smiles.

Tilly

Day 289

I listened to a new meditation guide before sleep last night, it was another healing one, GUIDED SLEEP MEDITATION for Healing. It deals with lots of different things that may need healing. It was very relaxing. I loved the imagery and the water.

I felt hopeful when I woke up that I would get more art-ing done today but not long after I was awake, I started getting that head spinning feeling again, so resorted to being a zombie as I have the last few days. I Puddled and I Frenched.

In today’s Adventures of Arthur Puddles we find him trying to make grape juice in the bathtub for National Bootleggers Day. I’m not sure he really understands what the day is about but he did make some grape juice for his rubber boots.

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I hope your day has been filled with good health, good spirits and good friends.

Tilly

Day 288

I’m over being sick. I’m over the humidity. I’m over Summer. Now I’ve got that out of the way there isn’t really much to talk about today. I Puddled and I Frenched.

In today’s Adventures of Arthur Puddles we find him bringing a bunch of his favourite pink flowers to The Blue Dragon for Dragon Appreciation Day.

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I hope you’ve had an uplifting day filled with brightness, goodness and flowers.

Tilly

Day 287

Last night about 8.30 pm I had the weirdest head rush followed by what felt like all my blood draining to my feet in a second. I felt unwell and weak. I got straight into bed and tried to relax. I dozed for a few hours and when I woke I listened to Serotonin Release – Increase Serotonin & Endorphins – Alpha Waves – Binaural Beats Meditation. Eventually I went to sleep for the night and woke around 8.30 am when Homer dog wanted to go out.

I still wasn’t feeling good this morning and it wasn’t long until I went back to bed. I’ve spent most of the day in bed. I got up around 4 pm to work on today’s Puddles. I had a much more elaborate cartoon planned but when I put pencil to paper, I knew I wouldn’t have the energy to finish it. So I opted for something easier.

In today’s Adventures of Arthur Puddles we find him getting ready to enjoy a bagel with cream cheese and salmon for National Bagel Day.

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I also did a quick French practice because I really want to get a 365 day streak on Duolingo. There were a lot of words, from the last set I learned, during the timed practice runs and there are still a lot of them that I don’t know. EEP!

I’m going to keep sleeping as much as I can until I feel better. I’m looking forward to getting back to a normal routine.

I hope your day has been filled with all the things you love. Take care.

Tilly