Day 77

I woke up just as hubby was leaving for work. I haven’t been sleeping the best the last few nights, so it’s been much harder to get out of bed. I’m also missing out on an afternoon nap because I’m trying to fill my days with creative. I’m tired.

I spent the first hour of being awake with wifey on Discord. I can’t wait til she gets back here. Mornings are always easier when she is here. I still did my workout but it was a little later than normal and it was over before I even realised. I pushed through it about 4 minutes faster today.

Once I had e-tucked wifey into bed, I got about another day of happy list goals. One of my goals is to draw every day this week. This was a big ask, mainly because, I have no idea how to draw. I feel like I should be able to draw. I can see with my eyes, my brain can tell my hand what it sees, my hand should be able to do the job. That’s not really the case. I’m going to keep practising and stick to my 6 day drawing goal.

Today I tried drawing a vintage perfume bottle. I copied it from a photo I took at an Art Deco shop in Napier, New Zealand.

I also worked on a short story for 30 minutes. I still have no idea what the story is about but it seems to be unfolding nicely. It’s a bit dark and I’m not sure I’d ever show anyone but it’s writing practice.

Then, I spent a couple of hours singing. I’m trying to put together a list of songs to record to share. I’m going to make sure to get lots of practice in over the next couple of weeks before I try to record anything.

Finally I finished all the creative off with 30 minutes of French. I feel like I did better at French today. Words that were hard to remember yesterday, are easier today. Some, I still have no idea about.

There will be more of the same tomorrow.

Tilly

Day 76

I woke just before it was time to get up but I just couldn’t face the day at 6.30 am, so I went back to sleep until about 8.20 am. I woke close to when I’d normally workout but pushed it back by 30 minutes. I wanted to keep pushing it back all day. I knew that’d be a bad idea though, so I just worked out.

I’m starting to feel discouraged about my progress. I guess things are changing but it’s either happening so slowly that I’m not noticing and feeling it or it’s bigger changes than I realise and I’ve just got a really warped perception of myself. It’s probably the perception thing. I know I have made some changes but it just never feels like enough. I never feel like I’m enough.

There is so much I need to change and so much I need to do to even feel human again. I don’t remember what it’s like to not be in pain and I don’t remember what it’s like to not feel depressed.

Today feels like a day where I should give up. If it wasn’t for a new family happiness project, that we started today, I think I would have. For the next few days, I think I’ll just be going through the motions but if that’s what it takes to get me over the line, so be it.

The family happiness project is based on something I thought of doing many years ago. The idea is to create a weekly list of 10 things that would make you feel happier if you did them. They don’t have to be big life changes, just small, achievable goals. There is no punishment. If you only do three things, that’s three things more than the previous week and you have the opportunity to do better the next week.

‘Just do anything that is more than nothing’ – Matilda Collins

I asked hubby and wifey if they’d like to join me in this new weekly challenge. They both thought it was a great idea and today is the day it all starts.

Every Tuesday I will post our weekly goals here: The Happy List

At the end of the week, I will update our progress with a score out of 100. Each goal is worth 10 points. We have 6 days to achieve our goals.

I did a number of things from my list including drawing for an hour, worked on a short story for about 30 minutes, brushed my hair (I really dislike brushing my hair) and I met my daily water goal on time.

I also did 30 minutes of French. The first 15 minutes was working through the ‘people’ levels. The last 15 minutes I decided to just do the revision level. I don’t think I was very focused. I’m having trouble with a few little joining words and knowing when to add an ‘s’ to the end of words.

It doesn’t matter if tomorrow is a good or bad day, I will continue to get things done. It’s got to get easier one day, right?

Tilly

Day 30

What a day!! Hubby and I started the morning with meditation. It was so relaxing and uplifting. A perfect reminder that life is beautiful.

Hubby went to work and I went to do my workout. Uh oh, it wouldn’t play. I got instantly annoyed that I couldn’t work out, then more annoyed that I felt like that after the peaceful start to my day. I shook the bad mood off, pressed some buttons and 40 minutes later, got to my workout. I pushed myself hard and it felt great.

Seeing I had gotten one goal out of the way, it was time to start work on the second. I spent the next five hours working on my home, garden and creative project blog. I picked a layout and got to editing. It was almost scary how much I didn’t know. I read guides, I clicked, I tested, I cursed and I got it pretty much ready for its first post. Soon as I have something to post, it’ll go live.

Here is a quick picture I snapped of the mint plant growing on our kitchen windowsill. It was a test picture for the gallery section of the new site but I really like it and wanted to share.

Tomorrow I’m going to watch a knitting tutorial (because I now have knitting needles. Woo!) and draw something.

Tilly

Day 29

The day started off slow. I could barely drag myself out of bed and get normal morning things done. By 9 am, I was feeling lousy but determined to workout. I worked out and almost enjoyed every minute of it.

It definitely felt as though the day was dragging. I was waiting on my arts and craft supplies and it felt like I couldn’t do much of anything else. Thankfully, with the internet at my fingertips, I decided to do the two tasks I posted about yesterday.

I decided to start with meditation. I opened Youtube and typed in ‘meditation’ and then auto suggestions lead me to the search of ‘meditation guided for positive energy’. I figured because my afternoons seem to lack that, it was probably a good place to start.

After watching a handful of 10 minute meditation programs, this one had made me feel the most relaxed. I’ll add this to my morning routine. I’m really interested to see if it can keep me more focused through the day. Might even try and get hubby to do it too.

Then I started searching for a photo challenge. I jumped on Pinterest and searched for ’30 day photo challenge’. There were enough results for at least 10 years worth of months. Most started with a self picture, which I wasn’t that keen on. Some had photos I knew I could only take if I left the house, I also wasn’t keen on that (at the moment.) The joys of being agoraphobic.

I did find three photo challenges that I thought I’d like to try. One is a 52 week challenge. I’m guessing that since it’s one photo a week, you could probably do it at any time during the week but I’ll just do it the days it’s listed on. That will start on May 7.

I’ll probably start a second photo challenge in a week or two.

I also found a writing, drawing and painting challenge that I’d like to try. I’ll start the writing challenge on May 7 also, seeing that Tuesday is the official start of my week. (Hubby’s weekend is Sunday/Monday)

Considering I’m pretty new to painting and drawing, I might delay the start of those for a few weeks to a month and just practice the skills in the meantime.

Check out the challenges here: Challenges on Pinterest

My arts and craft supplies arrived in the afternoon. Sadly, there were a few things I thought I’d ordered, that I didn’t, like good sized knitting needles. Hubby will need to go hunting for some for me. Pictured below is my box of goodies from Lincraft.

While I still feel a little disappointed at my attitude today, I pushed through and got some things done when all I wanted to do was sleep. That’s a win in my book.

Tomorrow I will give meditation a try and start working on my home/creative project blog.

I hope I have inspired someone to start their own creative journey.

Tilly