Day 35

I dragged myself out of bed with aches rippling across my shoulders, throbbing in my back, tingles in my thighs. I was still feeling the affects of yesterdays workout and knew that today’s was close.

We started the day with meditation. I was proud of my focus today. No matter where my brain tried to wander off to, it just fell straight back into the program and deeply too. At one stage, Homer jumped up on the sofa and put his paws on my leg and it scared the life out of me. I was so focused on meditating that I hadn’t even noticed him getting up.

Hubby left for work and I immediately jumped into my workout. The first round of the workout was a challenge. Body parts ached more than when I started and the journey seemed long. Everything in me wanted to stop after the first time but I continued. The second round was harder than the first and I’m feeling it at least seven times more now. Glad I did it though. I am looking forward to when this feels easy and I need to push myself to a new level.

My first attempt at multiple rows.

I spent a good part of the day learning to knit. I think I might actually understand how to do the ‘knit’ stitch. Although it may not look like it. Today is the first time I’ve done multiple rows. I know there are areas I got very very wrong, ones I purposely did wrong in hopes of saving it so I could keep going and there are some parts where it worked smooth and fast. Exciting!!!

Tomorrow I’ll try knitting again and painting or something photo related. As long as it’s something creative.

Here’s Day 2 of the writing challenge. If you’d like to see the full challenge details, click here. All 30 days will be posted here.

Day 2: Write something that someone told you about yourself that you never forgot

This may seem like a throw away comment and not something of real importance but I remember my grandma once saying that I looked really good in red.

I’m not sure if it has stuck with me because it was the nicest thing she’d ever said to me (she wasn’t the kindest of grandmas) or because I genuinely enjoy wearing red and that comment affirmed my decision.

It’s a strange little comment that has stuck with me for over 20 years and I still like wearing the colour red.

Tilly

Three Peas, One Pod

Day 34

Today has been a productive day. Hubby and I started the day with meditation. Our (10 year old) puppy, Homer, was playful and made it hard to focus but we did it!

Then I doubled my workout. As I got through the first part, I questioned if I really did want to go on with more. I thought about doing it later in the day or just starting next week. I powered through and I sure am feeling it. I’m aching in place I’ve never ached. I know it’s a good kind of ache though. Of course I will workout tomorrow but at this point, the idea is unpleasant at best.

After that I started on the Let’s do 52 – 52 Week Photography Project. I will be tracking the project on Three Peas, One Pod and on Flickr.

Let's Do 52 - May 7: Flowers
Let’s Do 52 – May 7: Flowers

I did a few other creative type things like fixing the Three Peas blog and tried knitting again. Not making much progress, although if you need someone to cast on for you, I’m your gal! There was also some singing in there.

The rest of the day was housework and a nap. I was torn about napping. I know that I should be using the daylight hours for productive things but at the same time, I need to rest my body so I can keep up being productive. I’ll try and survive the whole day tomorrow, like an adult.

A garden project was started yesterday. We’re trying to grow celery from a cutting. Soon as it starts to sprout, I’ll start blogging about it. Let’s hope we see some shoots soon.

I said I’d start the 30 day writing challenge today, so here it is. If you’d like to see the full challenge details, click here. All 30 days will be posted here.

Day 1: List 10 things that make you really happy

  1. Hubby and Wifey
  2. My dog, Homer
  3. A hearty home cooked meal
  4. Music
  5. Being creative
  6. Spending time with good people
  7. Cruising on the ocean
  8. Photography
  9. Working out
  10. Helping, supporting, encouraging people

Feels like it was a big day. A big satisfying day. Cheers to the next one.

Tilly

Three Peas, One Pod

Day 33

Today was supposed to be a relaxing day. Today is the most stressed and unhappy I have felt for sometime. It’s like I’ve been on the verge of hyperventilating all day. Living with depression feels like my greatest challenge to overcome and sometimes I don’t feel like I have the strength for this battle.

I don’t think anything has happened to set this sad mood in motion but it now feels like an out of control car, with no brakes, going down a hill, headed for a lake.

I woke up and worked out and meditated just like I should. Both tasks were harder than normal. While I worked out (on a day I wouldn’t normally, pushing myself as hard as I could) that nagging voice of doubt sparked up. Constant words of ‘this won’t work’, ‘you’re wasting your time’, swirled and stayed.

They got louder as I tried to immerse myself in meditation. In the 10 minute meditation program, I could barely hold focus for more than 30 seconds before my brain had wandered off to throw rotten fruit at my attempt.

After a disappointing morning, I crawled back into bed by early afternoon. I just wanted to nap it all away. That didn’t work and I woke to feeling the same. At this point I am just going through the motions and looking forward to more sleep.

I’m not sure if I’m feeling rundown or if I’m feeling overwhelmed at a month of big life changes (after 8+ years of no changes.) I know I don’t want to bury my head in pointless tasks, just so I can somewhat numb the pain, like I used to do. I must be on the right path now or at very least path adjacent. Self doubt is today’s hurdle.

Tomorrow I will try again.

Hugs and support for anyone who is facing an uphill battle.

Tilly

Day 31

It’s one month since I’ve started my journey and I have made some progress. Working out is very much a part of my day now. I’m about a week away from adding an extra daily workout. While I find it a little daunting still, I’m very committed to continuing the fitness journey. I never thought I’d hear myself saying that.

My first task for today was knitting. I found a guide, got my knitting needles and yarn and spent hours fiddling only to realise I am not a natural at knitting, not even a little bit. I’m sure I’ll pick it up but right now it feels like I’m trying to knit with two left feet. Yes, feet!

My second task for the day was to draw something. By the time I sat down to this task, I was feeling far too unhappy to focus. I scrolled through some pictures online for inspiration but it didn’t help. I’ll put this task aside for a new day.

So why was I unhappy? I’m lonely. It hit me like a truck as I sat in silence with one of only three people that I talk to. I’m not sure I remember how to have a normal conversation. I don’t know how to be a friend. I mean, I’m a great listener, supportive and caring but I just don’t know how to interact with people enough that someone wants to waste their time on me. I’m grateful for those that do.

Tomorrow I’m going to get some thing packed/unpacked and do one creative task.

Tilly

Day 30

What a day!! Hubby and I started the morning with meditation. It was so relaxing and uplifting. A perfect reminder that life is beautiful.

Hubby went to work and I went to do my workout. Uh oh, it wouldn’t play. I got instantly annoyed that I couldn’t work out, then more annoyed that I felt like that after the peaceful start to my day. I shook the bad mood off, pressed some buttons and 40 minutes later, got to my workout. I pushed myself hard and it felt great.

Seeing I had gotten one goal out of the way, it was time to start work on the second. I spent the next five hours working on my home, garden and creative project blog. I picked a layout and got to editing. It was almost scary how much I didn’t know. I read guides, I clicked, I tested, I cursed and I got it pretty much ready for its first post. Soon as I have something to post, it’ll go live.

Here is a quick picture I snapped of the mint plant growing on our kitchen windowsill. It was a test picture for the gallery section of the new site but I really like it and wanted to share.

Tomorrow I’m going to watch a knitting tutorial (because I now have knitting needles. Woo!) and draw something.

Tilly

Day 29

The day started off slow. I could barely drag myself out of bed and get normal morning things done. By 9 am, I was feeling lousy but determined to workout. I worked out and almost enjoyed every minute of it.

It definitely felt as though the day was dragging. I was waiting on my arts and craft supplies and it felt like I couldn’t do much of anything else. Thankfully, with the internet at my fingertips, I decided to do the two tasks I posted about yesterday.

I decided to start with meditation. I opened Youtube and typed in ‘meditation’ and then auto suggestions lead me to the search of ‘meditation guided for positive energy’. I figured because my afternoons seem to lack that, it was probably a good place to start.

After watching a handful of 10 minute meditation programs, this one had made me feel the most relaxed. I’ll add this to my morning routine. I’m really interested to see if it can keep me more focused through the day. Might even try and get hubby to do it too.

Then I started searching for a photo challenge. I jumped on Pinterest and searched for ’30 day photo challenge’. There were enough results for at least 10 years worth of months. Most started with a self picture, which I wasn’t that keen on. Some had photos I knew I could only take if I left the house, I also wasn’t keen on that (at the moment.) The joys of being agoraphobic.

I did find three photo challenges that I thought I’d like to try. One is a 52 week challenge. I’m guessing that since it’s one photo a week, you could probably do it at any time during the week but I’ll just do it the days it’s listed on. That will start on May 7.

I’ll probably start a second photo challenge in a week or two.

I also found a writing, drawing and painting challenge that I’d like to try. I’ll start the writing challenge on May 7 also, seeing that Tuesday is the official start of my week. (Hubby’s weekend is Sunday/Monday)

Considering I’m pretty new to painting and drawing, I might delay the start of those for a few weeks to a month and just practice the skills in the meantime.

Check out the challenges here: Challenges on Pinterest

My arts and craft supplies arrived in the afternoon. Sadly, there were a few things I thought I’d ordered, that I didn’t, like good sized knitting needles. Hubby will need to go hunting for some for me. Pictured below is my box of goodies from Lincraft.

While I still feel a little disappointed at my attitude today, I pushed through and got some things done when all I wanted to do was sleep. That’s a win in my book.

Tomorrow I will give meditation a try and start working on my home/creative project blog.

I hope I have inspired someone to start their own creative journey.

Tilly

Day 28

It was another brilliant morning. I got my workout done first. Pushed myself a little harder than normal and I’ve been feeling it all day. It’s been a nice ache compared to the every day aches. Then, I spent forever in the kitchen cleaning. I definitely need to find an easier way to clean older baking pans.

While I didn’t feel down by the afternoon, I was feeling tired. I think I’ve been starting to feel a bit stressed about my progress and haven’t been sleeping the best. I napped. It was glorious.

Tomorrow I’m going to do some research on meditation and try and find a fun every day photo challenge type… thing!

Tilly

Day 27

It’s almost one month since I started this journey. In some ways I’m happy with the progress I’m making, in other ways, I’m disappointed at myself for not being more determined.

I feel like I’ve got a great morning routine and I get a lot done. I work out, get housework done and usually still manage to fit a little something creative in there too.

Once the afternoon comes, so does a very flat mood. I’m really not sure why I find it so hard to keep doing things. It is going to take a lot of effort to change these habits. Sometimes it feels like I don’t have the mental energy for it but I know I have to keep pushing.

Today, for example, I spent all afternoon wanting to vacuum but worried it would make my pain feel worse. That made me feel like I was letting myself down, letting hubby down, letting wifey down (even if she’s in the US) and then I just felt flat.

I think in the afternoons I should try adding some meditation and most definitely some arts and crafts, when the stuff finally gets here. Hopefully a creative release will help get the smiles flowing.

Trying again tomorrow.

Tilly

Inspiration from Ivan Ooze…

Day 26

Today has been a great day. The first thing I did was a workout. Really proud of myself for adding the extra day to my workout schedule. I imagine pretty soon I’ll be doing it 7 days a week, a couple of times a day. I’m determined to see results and just want to get there a little quicker than originally planned.

Hubby and I got some boxes unpacked, a little house stuff done and ate some amazing food. I can’t wait to start sharing some of my favourite recipes but it is a daunting task. Recipes are not the easiest thing to write. Although, I’m really looking forward to taking food pics. It’s always been something I’ve enjoyed, long before it was cool.

My craft supplies are on their way. It should only be a few days now and I can start some new art projects. I’ll try and pick some projects over the next couple of days. Learning how to read a knitting pattern could be helpful.

I’m still having some ‘motivation’ issues. The real problem is thinking I need some of it to get anything done. I read this great quote about motivation. My goal this week is to apply it.

Tilly

Day 21

The day started well. I did housework, I worked out, I wrote down a few short story ideas and I sang for hours. It was such an uplifting morning and then the afternoon kicked in.

It kinda started when I was working out. The whole time I just kept thinking that I was wasting my time. Thinking that the things I’m doing won’t make a difference. I finished my workout but that was where the slow decline into depression started.

By the late afternoon I felt like I was on the verge of hyperventilating for hours. I tried singing again to distract myself but the bad feels have kept coming and coming strong. By evening I was a puddle of tears and have been for the last hour. My pain levels are on the rise too. Not the best way to finish the day.

I’ve done more today than I have over the last couple and yet I feel so down on myself. Tomorrow is another day and I’ll try twice as hard to shake the bad feels.

Tilly