Day 283

Last night I got to bed a little late but we had been waiting for the cool change after a verrrrry long and humid day. The change came about 12.30 am and I was in bed by 1 am. I did a new mediation guide; Heal Your Body Naturally: Powerful Guided Healing Meditation for Pain Relief & Sleep.  I’m really enjoying these ones focused on healing.

I didn’t wake until 8.30 am when hubby checked on me before leaving for work. I really wasn’t ready to be awake and it showed during the day. I battled my mind all day. The negative thoughts came in, I countered them with some uplifting thoughts and the battle ensued. Around lunchtime I realised that I just wasn’t going to get much done today, so I might as well just relax. My positive brain is almost annoying on days when I don’t feel like being positive. On the upside, I really must be making some progress with my depression.

In today‚Äôs Adventures of Arthur Puddles we find him splashing his friends with a puddle for ‘Step In a Puddle and Splash Your Friends Day. ‘ Luckily the long-necked flamingo and tiny little red bird didn’t mind at all. They had a fun day in the sun.

arthurpuddles.art.blog

I hope your day has been splashed with sunshine, love and joy. You’re a wonderful person with a fantastic smile.

Tilly

Day 257

I slept in a little bit. Well I should say, I tossed and turned until about 8.30 am, with brief interludes of sleep. It really wouldn’t have made much difference if I got up or if I had of kept pretending to be asleep, I didn’t do much with the day. Hubby was the hero of the day and did some housework.

I visited Art for Kids Hub so that I could say I did something. I chose How to Draw An Ice Skater. I’ve really been enjoying these easy cartoon sketches. They’re definitely helping build some ideas for the Penguin Project.

I tried to do a little more drawing but I find it very hard to concentrate when hubby is home.

So yesterday I didn’t write anything and it felt weird. I knew I couldn’t write how I was feeling because I knew it was irrational and I really didn’t want anyone to worry.

Yesterday I was doing the normal Sunday WoW thing and once again it was missing something. It was different to the last few weeks, in that, I had a couple of ‘new friends’ (friends of a friend) join us. That made for some easy dungeons but by the third dungeon, one of the guys kept calling me on all the mistakes I was making. I knew that it was tongue in cheek and he really didn’t mean anything by it but it sucked nonetheless.

I was annoyed at myself for letting nothing turn into something and then to let it really affect my mood. Of course that made the whole thing feel worse. The smallest things can sometimes flip the depression switch and a harmless comment can turn into hours of obsessive thinking and days of sadness.

I’m just going to try and stay as distracted as possible this week. I don’t know how to deal with my head right now.

I hope the upcoming weeks is filled with happiness, family, good times and creativity.

Tilly

Day 246

Everyone woke up before the alarm today. I dragged my heels. Hubby liked that he had a little extra time (probably not enough to make it a habit). Homer dog liked that he could get back to playing with his new toy. I sipped coffee and stared at my computer, hoping art-spiration would come to me quickly today.

Once hubby buzzed off to work, I got into a workout. The morning was hot, my muscles were already tired and I did it faster than normal. I pushed so hard I shaved about 8 minutes off. My body may disown me by the end of the week but I’m proud of my efforts.

Next it was time for a mouthful of French. “Salut! Comment ca va?” I tried to be a little more focused and it was more enjoyable. Still having a few issues here and there but that’s what practice is for.

I knew the afternoon was going to be hot, so I tried to get art done early. I wasn’t overly inspired but went to LaLunatique‘s stock photos to do some more human form sketching practice.  The ones I chose were rather ‘fairy’ like, so I turned them into faeries. They aren’t share worthy. That lead me to drawing a fairy house.

By the late afternoon it was too hot to even be awake, so I retreated to the bedroom for a nap in front of the air cooler.

I’ve been struggling lately but I can’t talk about it. I feel like there really isn’t any point talking about it. Most of my feels are stupid. I feel… pointless.

I hope your day has been filled with smiles, laughter, hugs and friendship.

Tilly

Day 229

In some ways I was thankful when Homer woke me up this morning. I was having a horrible dream. In the dream, wifey was here and life was going on as normal. I woke up (still in the dream), her things were gone, she was gone and I couldn’t contact her. I was heartbroken. Even though it was just a dream, her things are still in the closet and I spoke to her this morning, my heart has just ached all day. The dream was too real and I miss her too much.

I’ve spent hours looking for inspiration for any art medium. It’s been about a week since I’ve used watercolour and I really want to do something but the things that catch my eye are either too hard or far too simple. I have talked myself out of a number of things that probably would have been rather enjoyable to create. I have a number of portraits I’d like to do but they are very time consuming and I didn’t want hubby watching my terrible attempts. I feel self conscious and for no good reason.

My art learning journey has been pretty haphazard. At first it felt like an okay place to start, dabbling in little bits of lots of things. Just pretending to know what to do with each new medium and trying to create art. That’s the thing though, I don’t know how to use any of it and that is making me feel anxious about doing it. I know it seems silly seeing I have been doing it for a few months now but this thought is a crushing weight on my brain today.


Once rational brain decided to kick back into gear, I worked out the meal plan for the week. Every meal is new to us. All the recipes are from; https://food52.com/

Shopping / Fresh Pasta + Sauce : Tuesday
Indian Peanutty Noodles : Wednesday
Spicy Braised Chicken Lettuce Wraps : Thursday
Sheet-Pan Crispy Rice with Bacon and Broccoli : Friday
Cauliflower Pizza Bake : Saturday
Fully Loaded Baked Potatoes + Spinach Salad : Sunday
One-Skillet Chicken with Tomato and Turmeric Rice : Monday

I got my French practice done and a new week is about to begin. I’ll set new goals, I’ll learn new things and I will shake off the very silly inner negative commentary from today.

Good luck if you’re starting a new project, big hugs if you’re struggling and most of all I hope you all have a wonderfully inspired, sunshine filled, satisfying week.

Tilly

Day 224

It was a normal morning that started just after 7 am. Once hubby had bounced off to work, I worked out. I really really didn’t feel like it but I also know that sometimes you gotta ignore the feels and just get the job done. I worked out hard and I’m still feeling it.

I was thinking of practising drawing lips, so I avoided that by jumping into some French revision. It was a fairly successful practice. Once I was done, I decided to sing…and not just because I was still wearing a headset (or for that exact reason.) I sang for about 40 minutes. I am getting pretty close to having a song recorded that I like. The morning had started well and I was on track for having an extra productive day.

Then it was time for lips. UGH! I looked at so many drawing tutorials. Draw shapes. Draw lines. Draw things, add some shading and done. Ohhh nooooo. That isn’t how it worked. I am struggling to draw lips. This is going to take years of research and piles of eraser shavings. I don’t think my failed lip attempts started my bad mood but there was a bad mood brewing.

I was going to log onto WoW for a bit of relaxing before trying round two of art. I couldn’t log on. I’m starting to dread logging on. It made me feel agitated.

I wanted to be distracted and get some housework done. Then I saw a new message from Hubby. He proceeded to message me for about 20 minutes, for something he didn’t need to send a message about in the first place. It made me feel more agitated.

I was annoyed, unreasonably so, but by the time I’d started the dishes, I was in tears. I don’t think I’ve been dealing with wifey’s departure as well as I’d like to believe I am. I’m also worried about her. I’m worried about me and my journey. I’m feeling overwhelmed and sad.

Thankfully, doing the dishes gave me time to think, calm down and relax. Cleaning was calming and my kitchen is grateful.

Today I needed some words of encouragement and I found them. I hope you feel encouraged too.

Tilly

Day 219

I went to bed early last night, woke up late and still felt exhausted. I really don’t know what’s up with me at the moment. I did French, then spent a little time with wifey, before climbing back into bed for a lunchtime nap.

I woke around 2 pm, it was hot, I was exhausted, my body ached and I was starting to feel pretty miserable about the whole situation. I tried to find some inspiration for a watercolour sketch but nothing seemed appealing.

Instead I got out my sketching pencils that I hadn’t used yet and did a little more work to my Romain Duris sketch. So I really don’t know anything about the different types of lead pencil, I just tried a number of them to see what they did.

WiP – Romain Duris

I have a lot of trouble drawing mouths and thought that may be a great place to stop for the day. I’m determined to finish this sketch though. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

I hope your day has been filled with energy, excitement and happiness.

Tilly