Day 326

I listened to a new meditation guide by The Honest Guys; GUIDED SLEEP MEDITATION The Cave of Serenity. Earth Grounding. It definitely helped my sleep and I got a nice 7 hours. I woke filled with dread though because I knew the day would have me doing something I didn’t want to.

I sipped a cup of coffee and jumped straight into practising languages. Hubby was awake so I let him listen to the Norwegian practice. He had fun picking up a few words. We’ve been fans of the Norwegian comedy duo, Ylvis, for years so we’ve often talked about learning.

Once 10.30 am rolled around I knew it was time for what I’d been dreading. I logged on to WoW to do dungeons with my friend. I had last Sunday off because I told him I was ‘sick’. So he asked how I was feeling and I answered honestly; I didn’t feel that good still. Then he asked if I had the flu. I didn’t know how to reply. I wasn’t ‘sick’ sick, I’ve just been feeling really mentally unwell and finding it hard to be around people… very hard. I was so ashamed of the real answer but I told him anyway.

Then we started the day as normal and did the dungeons. For the whole day I felt so ashamed that I was depressed. Why would I even tell someone that? It’s hard enough living with depression but feeling like I can’t talk about it because I’m ashamed….doesn’t help. This is also why I have trouble having friends. I feel like I’m doing my best at pushing the only friend I have away too. Ugh!!

That all wrapped up around 2 pm and it was time to Puddles. That was the only art-ing I managed. After I had done that, I jumped into bed for a nap to try and reset my brain. I’m not sure it did that. If anything, it gave me more alone time to think before I dozed off. Not helpful.

In today’s Adventures of Arthur Puddles we find him taking a break from the holiday celebrations and catching up on his laundry. Douglas dog didn’t take the day off and dived into the bag of dog biscuits to celebrate International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day. What a mouthful!!

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I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Enjoy the little things.

Tilly

Day 325

I got into bed a little late last night and did; Guided Meditation 1 Hour “The Healing Temple.”  It’s probably not my finest idea doing a 1 hour guide when I go to bed late. When it ended, I checked the time and it was just after 2 am. I fell asleep and woke just before 7 am because Homer dog wanted to go out. I guess I’m just going through one of those periods where I don’t get a lot of sleep.

Soon as hubby buzzed off to work, I started a day of art-ing. I worked on two watercolour paintings at the same time, so I would give each proper time to dry. I’m pretty sure I still didn’t do that. Sometimes my trying to ‘fix’ something, ends up being an even bigger headache because I don’t wait. I have no patience. UGH!!

Both of the paintings are from the same Youtube channel; Paint with DAVID. The first one I started was a winter landscape. I very loosely followed the tutorial and made some changes to the foreground because, to me, it looked like it should be water. I’m really enjoying these winter scenes.

The second one was a simple and easy landscape. Again, I loosely followed the guide and made some colour changes. I also couldn’t quiet get what the ‘road/path’ was doing and made a huge mess. It would seem that I just like doing paintings with wooden fences in them at the moment.

In today’s Adventures of Arthur Puddles we find him in the park with Rosie and Douglas dog. They’re going for a walk to celebrate Walking the Dog day. Douglas tried to bury his bone. It was a colourful day.

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By the time all the art-ing was done, all I wanted was a nap. So that’s what I did. While I feel inspired right now, the weekend starts for us tomorrow and I have to do mythics in WoW, so I can’t imagine this feeling will last. I wish all things would just be right in my world again.

I finished the day with French and Norwegian. I had some trouble with the last lot of words I learned in French. I should have spent more time practising those when I learned them. I’m sure I’ll get them eventually. My Norwegian practice was pretty good. I sometimes get confused with what word should come first. For example; Hun heter Astrid. I often mix up the first two words.

I hope your weekend is filled with smiles, fun, relaxing, friends and everything that your heart desires. If that’s not something I can have, it’s something I hope for you.

Tilly

Day 322

I listened to Pain Relief & Healing GUIDED MEDITATION “The Cleansing Pool for my meditation last night. It wasn’t a good night’s sleep. I ended up getting about 4 1/2 hours sleep. I was pretty zombie all day.

I started the day with French and Norwegian. It was a good practice for both. Then I spent most of the day working on Puddles. For characters I’ve now been drawing for 50 days, today was really hard work. I just couldn’t get anything right. While I spent a fair amount of time Puddles procrastinating, I sang. I feel too critical of myself at the moment to get a recording I like.

In today’s Adventures of Arthur Puddles we find him at the local Ice Cream Shop sharing a big bowl of mint chocolate ice cream with Douglas dog. Even though it was Chocolate Mint Day all Arthur could think about was Rosie.

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There’s not much more to tell.

I hope your day is filled with sunshine, smiles and a big bowl of ice cream. (If you’re into it.) Take care.

Tilly

Day 321

Last night I listened to; Sleep Hypnosis for Pain Management with Relaxing Binaural Music. It wasn’t technically meditation but I’m always interested in finding new pain management for my chronic pain. I’m not sure if it was just the simple suggestion of being hypnotised but when it got to that part (after far too much talking and a mini history lesson) I couldn’t feel the pain. I fell asleep sometime during it all and when it ended, the pain returned and I woke up. It was an interesting experience. I’ll return to meditating tonight so I can get a good sleep. I’m feeling mentally exhausted.

I have been struggling with my mental health over the last few weeks. My inner dialogue is screaming that no one cares about me. Which is obviously untrue. There are a number of people who care about me but that hasn’t stopped the noise. I feel hopeless and like everything I’m trying to do is a waste of time. I frequently find myself saying things like ‘it would just be better if I was dead.’ It’s a dark place. One that I have dealt with many, many times. I will deal with it again. It’s just so hard.

Let’s move on to anything else!! I started the day with a workout! A workout!!!! It was so hot and humid and I knew it would be a struggle. I pushed through. My 30 minute workout actually took 30 minutes.

For my art-ing I Puddled and I wrote a paragraph length story. I had stumbled upon The Sunday Whirl – Wordle 443. It’s a list of words that you put in a story. I’ve seen people doing these for some time now and finally decided to participate. The prompt list can be found here.


Anna had taken a wrong TURN and now she was LOST. She had driven too FAR down an old dirt road and it had LEFT her feeling uneasy. The lights of the city LIMIT were now a distant memory. Anna pulled the car over to the SIDE of the road and got out. This was the wrong MOVE. An unnerving man SLYLY emerged from the thick scrub. The man held an axe by his side that dripped with BLOOD. He gasped for AIR. “I didn’t do it!” he stammered, trying to put her at EASE before collapsing to the ground. Anna didn’t know how to FEEL. Was she in danger or was he?


In today’s Adventures of Arthur Puddles we find him at a wine tasting with Rosie for National Drink Wine Day. It was a special day. They held hands for the first time.

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After the Puddles, I did French and Norwegian practice. I will start a new topic in French next week because I think it’s been a few weeks since my last one. I won’t progress as quickly with Norwegian though. I am remembering a few more words like; god = good, morgen = morning, kveld = evening, katt – cat, barn = children, heter = name, hva = what, velkommen = welcome, en mann = a man. Those are the ones that first spring to mind. Not bad for a couple of days.

In the afternoon I knew I should attempt a watercolour but the idea of being bad at it was giving me such intense anxiety I had to take a nap. When I woke up, Homer dog gave me lots of snuggles. He always knows when I’m not feeling my best. It helped.

As I sat down to write a post we could hear a storm in the distance. Hubby (a complete weather nerd) got on his weather app to see what was up. There was a huge storm front headed our way. It was providing quiet the light show in the distance and after about 15 minutes of recording, I finally got a great shot. It’s only a few seconds long and I slowed the video down so you could actually see it. Wow!!! The storm barely hit us. It went either side of our house and out to see. There was only one crack of thunder that sounded like it was above us.

I am looking forward to having a better day tomorrow. I hope that your day is filled with all the things that make you happy. Enjoy the little things.

Tilly

Day 290

Last night I fell asleep to GUIDED SLEEP MEDITATION for Healing. Seeing this guide deals with so many different aspects of healing, I will just keep repeating it for a few nights.

When I woke up this morning my first thought was to turn over and go back to sleep. I felt exhausted. I got up though because hubby had to work today and I didn’t want him to endure his morning alone. Soon as he hopped off to work, I was alone.

I still wasn’t feeling great so opted for another day of Puddles and French only. The one thing I’ve noticed about a week without learning or much art-ing is that it has given my depression a chance to rear its ugly head again. If life had an eject button, I probably would have used it today.

Moving on.

In today’s Adventures of Arthur Puddles we find him reading the Thesaurus to his new puppy for National Thesaurus Day. Arthur thought it was a book about dinosaurs.

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I hope your day has been filled with smiles.

Tilly

Day 283

Last night I got to bed a little late but we had been waiting for the cool change after a verrrrry long and humid day. The change came about 12.30 am and I was in bed by 1 am. I did a new mediation guide; Heal Your Body Naturally: Powerful Guided Healing Meditation for Pain Relief & Sleep.  I’m really enjoying these ones focused on healing.

I didn’t wake until 8.30 am when hubby checked on me before leaving for work. I really wasn’t ready to be awake and it showed during the day. I battled my mind all day. The negative thoughts came in, I countered them with some uplifting thoughts and the battle ensued. Around lunchtime I realised that I just wasn’t going to get much done today, so I might as well just relax. My positive brain is almost annoying on days when I don’t feel like being positive. On the upside, I really must be making some progress with my depression.

In today’s Adventures of Arthur Puddles we find him splashing his friends with a puddle for ‘Step In a Puddle and Splash Your Friends Day. ‘ Luckily the long-necked flamingo and tiny little red bird didn’t mind at all. They had a fun day in the sun.

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I hope your day has been splashed with sunshine, love and joy. You’re a wonderful person with a fantastic smile.

Tilly

Day 257

I slept in a little bit. Well I should say, I tossed and turned until about 8.30 am, with brief interludes of sleep. It really wouldn’t have made much difference if I got up or if I had of kept pretending to be asleep, I didn’t do much with the day. Hubby was the hero of the day and did some housework.

I visited Art for Kids Hub so that I could say I did something. I chose How to Draw An Ice Skater. I’ve really been enjoying these easy cartoon sketches. They’re definitely helping build some ideas for the Penguin Project.

I tried to do a little more drawing but I find it very hard to concentrate when hubby is home.

So yesterday I didn’t write anything and it felt weird. I knew I couldn’t write how I was feeling because I knew it was irrational and I really didn’t want anyone to worry.

Yesterday I was doing the normal Sunday WoW thing and once again it was missing something. It was different to the last few weeks, in that, I had a couple of ‘new friends’ (friends of a friend) join us. That made for some easy dungeons but by the third dungeon, one of the guys kept calling me on all the mistakes I was making. I knew that it was tongue in cheek and he really didn’t mean anything by it but it sucked nonetheless.

I was annoyed at myself for letting nothing turn into something and then to let it really affect my mood. Of course that made the whole thing feel worse. The smallest things can sometimes flip the depression switch and a harmless comment can turn into hours of obsessive thinking and days of sadness.

I’m just going to try and stay as distracted as possible this week. I don’t know how to deal with my head right now.

I hope the upcoming weeks is filled with happiness, family, good times and creativity.

Tilly