Day 335

I got to bed before midnight last night. Woo hoo!! My phone was almost flat again, so I chose a short meditation guide ; Pain Relief & Healing GUIDED MEDITATION “The Cleansing Pool”. It’s one of my favourites so I definitely didn’t feel like I was missing out. Homer woke me up about 6 minutes before hubby’s alarm would have gone off. It was a pretty good sleep.

I started the day well. Before hubby had gone to work, I’d done French and Norwegian. Soon as he had gone, I worked out and I’m still feeling it. It took me every second of 30 minutes to finish the workout. It’s something I enjoy while I’m doing it but I’m back to struggling through it. Good times.

Once that was done, I was feeling pretty good that I’d started my day well. I dived into Puddles and got that done in about 2 1/2 hours. If I could get the whole process under 2 hours I’d be much happier. This project wasn’t supposed to take up so much of my days.

In today’s Adventures of Arthur Puddles we find him celebrating World Wildlife Day with a bunch of his friend. They took a selfie to commemorate the day.

arthurpuddles.art.blog

The afternoon was… disappointing. This bout of depression has really dug its heels in. I haven’t really experienced anything like this for a couple of years. The thing that really set me off today was an ad on Youtube. I had some Youtube videos playing while I was working out which were interrupted by ads. I would normally skip them but I was nowhere near the mouse so I had to watch them.

There was an ad made by ‘Huggies’ about how hard it is parenting in 2020 when everyone is judging you. There were lots of mothers sharing how they felt they weren’t doing a good enough job. Near the end of the ad their kids and partners were interviewed and said how amazing the mums actually are.

Being a parent was the only thing I ever wanted and it’s the one thing that I will never have. That hurt is way too painful today. Even writing about it hours after it happened and I can’t stop the flood of tears. I guess my loneliness is reaching all new levels of lone.

I tired to re-focus my day by trying to find something on Youtube for watercolour practice. I watched about an hour of videos but my indecisiveness was becoming overwhelming so I gave up on the day and went to bed.

Tomorrow is another day and I can only hope that it goes smoother. I hope your day has brought you nothing but happiness. Good luck with all things on your to-do list this week. Take care.

Tilly

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Tilly Collins

I'm on a life changing journey to 40. There will be ups, there will be downs. I'm like a roller coaster but with more agoraphobia.

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