Day 321

Last night I listened to; Sleep Hypnosis for Pain Management with Relaxing Binaural Music. It wasn’t technically meditation but I’m always interested in finding new pain management for my chronic pain. I’m not sure if it was just the simple suggestion of being hypnotised but when it got to that part (after far too much talking and a mini history lesson) I couldn’t feel the pain. I fell asleep sometime during it all and when it ended, the pain returned and I woke up. It was an interesting experience. I’ll return to meditating tonight so I can get a good sleep. I’m feeling mentally exhausted.

I have been struggling with my mental health over the last few weeks. My inner dialogue is screaming that no one cares about me. Which is obviously untrue. There are a number of people who care about me but that hasn’t stopped the noise. I feel hopeless and like everything I’m trying to do is a waste of time. I frequently find myself saying things like ‘it would just be better if I was dead.’ It’s a dark place. One that I have dealt with many, many times. I will deal with it again. It’s just so hard.

Let’s move on to anything else!! I started the day with a workout! A workout!!!! It was so hot and humid and I knew it would be a struggle. I pushed through. My 30 minute workout actually took 30 minutes.

For my art-ing I Puddled and I wrote a paragraph length story. I had stumbled upon The Sunday Whirl – Wordle 443. It’s a list of words that you put in a story. I’ve seen people doing these for some time now and finally decided to participate. The prompt list can be found here.

Anna had taken a wrong TURN and now she was LOST. She had driven too FAR down an old dirt road and it had LEFT her feeling uneasy. The lights of the city LIMIT were now a distant memory. Anna pulled the car over to the SIDE of the road and got out. This was the wrong MOVE. An unnerving man SLYLY emerged from the thick scrub. The man held an axe by his side that dripped with BLOOD. He gasped for AIR. “I didn’t do it!” he stammered, trying to put her at EASE before collapsing to the ground. Anna didn’t know how to FEEL. Was she in danger or was he?

In today’s Adventures of Arthur Puddles we find him at a wine tasting with Rosie for National Drink Wine Day. It was a special day. They held hands for the first time.

After the Puddles, I did French and Norwegian practice. I will start a new topic in French next week because I think it’s been a few weeks since my last one. I won’t progress as quickly with Norwegian though. I am remembering a few more words like; god = good, morgen = morning, kveld = evening, katt – cat, barn = children, heter = name, hva = what, velkommen = welcome, en mann = a man. Those are the ones that first spring to mind. Not bad for a couple of days.

In the afternoon I knew I should attempt a watercolour but the idea of being bad at it was giving me such intense anxiety I had to take a nap. When I woke up, Homer dog gave me lots of snuggles. He always knows when I’m not feeling my best. It helped.

As I sat down to write a post we could hear a storm in the distance. Hubby (a complete weather nerd) got on his weather app to see what was up. There was a huge storm front headed our way. It was providing quiet the light show in the distance and after about 15 minutes of recording, I finally got a great shot. It’s only a few seconds long and I slowed the video down so you could actually see it. Wow!!! The storm barely hit us. It went either side of our house and out to see. There was only one crack of thunder that sounded like it was above us.

I am looking forward to having a better day tomorrow. I hope that your day is filled with all the things that make you happy. Enjoy the little things.


Published by

Tilly Collins

I'm on a life changing journey to 40. There will be ups, there will be downs. I'm like a roller coaster but with more agoraphobia.

10 thoughts on “Day 321”

    1. Thanks ^^ Because the storm was so spread out, I kept missing each time there was a lightning spread like that. I felt so lucky to capture one in the end. I hope you’re having a wonderful week. =)


    1. Thanks so much for your support, Tiffany. It really does help knowing I’m not alone in my feelings.

      Can you link me to the painting the lightning reminded you of? I would love to see it!!

      Hope it’s a fantastic week for you. Take care. =)


  1. It’s odd that the storm split so you weren’t in it. I liked your video.

    Have you thought at all about doing morning meditations for the times you struggle? Just a suggestion. You’re free to toss it out if you want. Hope your outlook on life improves.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hubby loves following the weather and he’s noticed that we seem to miss a lot of the extremely bad weather. It either sticks close to the mountains or goes out to sea before getting to us.

      When I first started meditation, I would do it in the morning but found it very hard to focus. Now I have a good nighttime meditation routine, it’d be worth looking into finding a few that I could do through the day too. Thank you for the suggestion. =)

      Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Please don’t ever give into those thoughts of wanting to be dead. I have seen first hand with my mom the effects of these thoughts and the pain it causes the ones we love. I have had these thoughts as well and know the fear in it. Your life is worth it and I know that there is big plans on it. Your writing is beautiful and purposeful. I don’t know you but I care, I feel for your pain and would like for you to know you are not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for taking the time to leave such a heartfelt comment. While it is a thought I’ve struggled with for many years, I will continue to stay strong.

      Please know that your comment has had a huge impact on me during what is turning out to be a rather difficult time. I appreciate your kindness more than I can put into words.

      Thank you again and I hope you are staying safe and healthy during such trying times. Take care. =)


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