Day 76

I woke just before it was time to get up but I just couldn’t face the day at 6.30 am, so I went back to sleep until about 8.20 am. I woke close to when I’d normally workout but pushed it back by 30 minutes. I wanted to keep pushing it back all day. I knew that’d be a bad idea though, so I just worked out.

I’m starting to feel discouraged about my progress. I guess things are changing but it’s either happening so slowly that I’m not noticing and feeling it or it’s bigger changes than I realise and I’ve just got a really warped perception of myself. It’s probably the perception thing. I know I have made some changes but it just never feels like enough. I never feel like I’m enough.

There is so much I need to change and so much I need to do to even feel human again. I don’t remember what it’s like to not be in pain and I don’t remember what it’s like to not feel depressed.

Today feels like a day where I should give up. If it wasn’t for a new family happiness project, that we started today, I think I would have. For the next few days, I think I’ll just be going through the motions but if that’s what it takes to get me over the line, so be it.

The family happiness project is based on something I thought of doing many years ago. The idea is to create a weekly list of 10 things that would make you feel happier if you did them. They don’t have to be big life changes, just small, achievable goals. There is no punishment. If you only do three things, that’s three things more than the previous week and you have the opportunity to do better the next week.

‘Just do anything that is more than nothing’ – Matilda Collins

I asked hubby and wifey if they’d like to join me in this new weekly challenge. They both thought it was a great idea and today is the day it all starts.

Every Tuesday I will post our weekly goals here: The Happy List

At the end of the week, I will update our progress with a score out of 100. Each goal is worth 10 points. We have 6 days to achieve our goals.

I did a number of things from my list including drawing for an hour, worked on a short story for about 30 minutes, brushed my hair (I really dislike brushing my hair) and I met my daily water goal on time.

I also did 30 minutes of French. The first 15 minutes was working through the ‘people’ levels. The last 15 minutes I decided to just do the revision level. I don’t think I was very focused. I’m having trouble with a few little joining words and knowing when to add an ‘s’ to the end of words.

It doesn’t matter if tomorrow is a good or bad day, I will continue to get things done. It’s got to get easier one day, right?


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Tilly Collins

I'm on a life changing journey to 40. There will be ups, there will be downs. I'm like a roller coaster but with more agoraphobia.

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