I call a do-over. Today was not my best. In fact, I think I teetered on it being one of my worst days since I started this journey. Hubby got up before the sun and left quietly before I had even stirred. It was just before 8.30 am when I finally crawled out of bed.
I was instantly feeling flat. I looked at the clock and knew I had to workout. I even delayed that but only by 30 minutes. No matter what my feels, I just get on with it. I thought if I pushed myself really hard, I might feel better. I just felt exhausted by the end of it.
Then I thought about painting but leaving a fluffy blanket seemed cold. I stared at my knitting but didn’t pick it up because that sore finger I mentioned, is still really sore. Plus there were frequent bouts of sobbing. Eventually I went back to bed and tried not to be too disappointed in myself.
Late afternoon I got an email from Duolingo about how it’s important to do the French lessons daily. So I did it. Who can say no to a nicely worded email? While I don’t feel like I’m remembering much of it, with a few prompts from the lessons, I can recall the things I learned the previous day.
I know I can improve tomorrow by literally doing anything more than nothing.
Day 24: Write about a lesson you’ve learned the hard way.
When hubby and I first got together, I quickly noticed he was awful with money. I took charge of the money. I would pay the bills and hide a little money so that we could occasionally do nice things.
About six years into the relationship, I was given an inheritance cheque and it made our world instantly shine. We didn’t have to worry about money and we splurged a little too frequently. Around that time my chronic pain had started, I was lonely because hubby was working long hours and my depression was out of control. All those things together made it hard for me to watch the money slowly trickling away. At that point, I gave hubby all money making decisions.
Needless to say I didn’t realise how bad things went until after he’d spent the money and took out a loan to pay for our expenses on the last cruise we went on.
This was a lesson we both learned and we are both still dealing with.
I Googled what life lessons people learn the hard way and there are a lot of generic answers out there about feelings, friends, relationships. Then I found; 7 Important Life Lessons Everyone Learns the Hard Way. There are things on that list that I SHOULD have learned already. I guess they are things to add to the to-do list.
The two things that stood out the most were;
3. Seeking validation from others invalidates YOU.
4. Regret hurts far worse than fear
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” – Ghandi