I could barely drag myself out of bed this morning. It wasn’t a terrible sleep but I’m feeling exhausted. Not really sure why. I did my double workout and that’s about it for the day.
I’m going to try and get a ‘shadows’ photo done tomorrow. This is more of a challenge than I was expecting so soon into this project (week 2).
Day 11: Something you always think ‘What if’ about?
A quick backstory for this question. I grew up in a home with domestic violence. I was sexually abused (when I was very little) and mentally abused up until I was about 28, when my dad finally stopped drinking.
Okay, so I always think ‘what if’ we had of left my dad. My mum asked me when I was about 15 if I wanted to leave. She’d never wanted to before because she was worried he’d kill us or her parents. I’m not sure where her courage come from. At the time I had met some good people and I felt settled amidst all my usual chaos. I said no to leaving. She never brought it up again.
I wonder if we had of left, if she would still be alive today. She had a heart attack not long after my 21st birthday. She had neglected her health for many years (a path I had been recreating.) I wonder if I would have become something. I wonder if I’d have kids of my own. Mostly I wonder if I could have been happy.