Day 44

I could barely drag myself out of bed this morning. It wasn’t a terrible sleep but I’m feeling exhausted. Not really sure why. I did my double workout and that’s about it for the day.

I’m going to try and get a ‘shadows’ photo done tomorrow. This is more of a challenge than I was expecting so soon into this project (week 2).

Here’s Day 11 of the writing challenge. If you’d like to see the full challenge details, click here. All 30 days will be posted here.

Day 11: Something you always think ‘What if’ about?

A quick backstory for this question. I grew up in a home with domestic violence. I was sexually abused (when I was very little) and mentally abused up until I was about 28, when my dad finally stopped drinking.

Okay, so I always think ‘what if’ we had of left my dad. My mum asked me when I was about 15 if I wanted to leave. She’d never wanted to before because she was worried he’d kill us or her parents. I’m not sure where her courage come from. At the time I had met some good people and I felt settled amidst all my usual chaos. I said no to leaving. She never brought it up again.

I wonder if we had of left, if she would still be alive today. She had a heart attack not long after my 21st birthday. She had neglected her health for many years (a path I had been recreating.) I wonder if I would have become something. I wonder if I’d have kids of my own. Mostly I wonder if I could have been happy.


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Tilly Collins

I'm on a life changing journey to 40. There will be ups, there will be downs. I'm like a roller coaster but with more agoraphobia.

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