Day 9

The day started off slowly, again. Even though I have a schedule, I’m not sticking to it. Instead of letting that bother me, I did do some stuff out of the norm.

I worked out!! A whole 25 minutes worth of work out. This may not seem like a big deal but it’s a serious step in the better health direction. My plan is to start with this work out, 5 days a week, for one month. The second month, I’ll add another 25 minute work out. Three months in, I’ll add a third 25 minute work out. May 10 will start the second phase.

I also started doing a little photo editing in GIMP. I’ve never used it as my main editing program but it’s all I have at the moment. I have very limited knowledge on how it works so there was just a lot of clicking and moving sliders, hoping I could see the difference they made. It might help me to watch a tutorial or read a guide. I’ll get onto that.

The tail end of the day was a bit emotionally draining. For whatever reason I started to Facebook stalk some people from my past. These people are now a good 20+ years in my past but they were a huge and influential part of my teenage life.

It’s amazing to see kids I used to babysit all grown and married, with kids of their own. People who were single with me, now with gorgeous families of their own. To see how people have grown, prospered and are now living their dreams.

That’s where I know I have failed. I am nothing and no one. I have no children and I never will. I am not living my dreams. I have not prospered. What is left of my birth family, has disowned me and I don’t even have anyone who I could call a ‘best friend’.

While the negatives have been heartfelt today, there is a positive. I do have the love of two unique and amazing people. I’ve been with hubby for 15 years and wifey has been with us for the last 7 years. They are my forever and for that, I’m very thankful.


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Tilly Collins

I'm on a life changing journey to 40. There will be ups, there will be downs. I'm like a roller coaster but with more agoraphobia.

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